Numb to the End
by Josiyx
Summary: Years ago, Zelos was taken away from his life, his love...his everything. Now, he's ready to do anything to hurt the ones who took it all away. But how much has he really lost? ZxS [HIATUS]
1. Alone

Hey all, Tisa here! Slightly turned away from the cutesy fluff, so a multi-chaptered fic instead. Could got some graphic violence later on, though if it gets to that I'll put a warning. Enjoy!

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It meant nothing to him anymore, just walking the streets at night, lighting his smoke with one hand, and the other hand clenched in a fist. The air on the strip was a mixture of pollution, drugs and sex, the three ingredients of any red light district. All of it, the women, the men, even the buildings seemed to mock his pain. Each laughing, drunk couple a sharp reminder of better times, times when he'd had an abundance of hair and glory. Back when he wasn't alone or upset. 

Those days were long past now, lost and nearly forgotten. In just a few short years, he'd given up his title, and for that, his wealth, fame and popularity. Suddenly, he wasn't great or important. Females who once had wanted him as their husband now turned tail at the sight of his face. Though, looking into one of the murky bar windows he passed, the man could see their reluctance to speak to him.

His once long bushy red hair was cut to the scalp jaggedly, rough from the blade of a knife. Rich clothing was worn from years of use and covered in grime, just like his skin. The last time he'd slept in a real bed had been months ago, when the cold weather had forced him to retreat into the warmth. Inside had a bad feeling now, especially in the homes he was forced into, where every dark haired woman reminded him of her.

Oh, how he wished she'd just leave his mind in peace. For three years he'd tried to block the thoughts of the ninja's tears or when he'd last seen her, bruised and broken. Still, it was better when he remembered the good times, her smiles as she said his name. Laughing as she screamed his name, chasing him through the gardens with her lips looking so soft and innocent.

Like any person lost in memories, he was startled to find someone beside him as he shook his head free of those thoughts. It had been just a few months after that day that everything had gone so terribly right. A day he reminded himself of over and over again, as if the memory would slip away if he didn't constantly check on it. It hadn't been an exceptionally good day, though the sun had been bright enough to request she meet him outside, at their place.

"_Hey, gorgeous." He'd leaned over, kissing her firmly on the lips before she could protest. "Miss me?"_

_Her eyes had widened in shock as he grinned at her. Sheena'd always had a problem with public displays of affection, even if no one else was around. "What was that for?" Innocent confusion was turning to the slightest hint of anger, and he was barely resisting kissing her again, instead settling to brush a stray piece of hair from her face and keep smiling "Am I not allowed to greet you anymore?"_

"_Not…like…that…" Her anger was being replaced with embarrassment. When she was like this, face flushed from something he'd said, gave him more reason to love her than before. Not that he really needed any more reasons; just her existence was enough. "Why did you invite me all the way here though? Even with the new transportation it takes a few days, so you better have a good reason for this."_

_"I do." His grin had been infectious and she'd smiled back, hesitantly, but there. There was a hint of nervous apprehension as though she still wasn't sure what was happening. Wasn't sure what a year of semi-secret meetings, quiet dinners and invitations to things really meant. Even after all the years they'd spent together as children, or later. Only Sheena would think like that, he thought chuckling under his breath. Though, she'd find out exactly what it meant later. Later, when, half babbling he'd somehow proposed to her in a way that seemed rather alien even to him. And then…_

That was when he ended the thinking and kept walking. It was all in the past anyway. What he'd lost was gone forever and there was only one last thing for him to do before he was gone too, lost between the pages of history. A project that had ripped away years of his life, leaving the husk of a man behind. But no one would think removing the Tethe'allan royal figurehead was easy, without being an escapee of a twisted justice system on top of it. All that mattered was taking revenge on the ones who'd hurt her, trying not to think of how it was really his fault, all his fault…

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Yes, my pathetic attempt at being creepy. Leave any comments you want, and until the next part, ciao! 


	2. Below

Hey everyone, it's me again! Here's the next part of Numb, which is coming along a lot faster than I expected. Short chapters though. Oh and as a warning, the OC in this chapter is going to be around for at least a few more chapters, depending what people think of him. But for now, just enjoy!

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Daytime light burned through blue eyes as the ex-Chosen reached for the newspaper he'd used earlier to cover his eyes. Rooftops weren't exactly a preferred location to sleep, but to get away from the other people living in the slum end of Meltokio, he'd climb up. His paranoia still hadn't turned off since the raid in this area a few months ago. The whole section was picked up and thrown in a small cramped cell where they had to fight for food. If not for a breakout that had been strategically planned out over a few nights, more lives would have been lost.

Grim images flashed in his partially woken mind. A woman with her baby, watching in horror as her husband, still frantically signaling for her to leave, was stabbed by a guard. Two children, battered by the crowd calling for their mother, who'd left them once the guards rounded a corner. The face of the man he'd had to kill trying to protect those two. Turning back to see the gates close behind him, knowing that he hadn't had a chance to find out what had happened to…her.

It was almost funny sometimes, how his thoughts drifted to her even now, when he should be planning how to get in, where to get the information he needed for a personal battle plan. A battle for one man against so many would take thought that he rarely had. It was spent on Sheena, remembering ever mannerisms, every loose thread on every piece of clothing. How she would refuse to smile at him in public, saying that appearances had to be kept. Her worried looks when he'd scoffed at this statement, declaring his invincibility, her arms wrapped around him once he promised to protect her, risk his life in any way.

Protect her, right. The paper over his face rose in the air slightly as he snorted. Fat lot of good he'd done protecting her. What had he planned to do, boast at them, and state his titles proudly, even if he hated them? All he had back then was worthless. Money, fame, popularity, a piece of the nobility, it was nothing really compared to the might of ancient customs and royal decrees. Especially the one that had decided his fate.

_Royal Decree number two thousand and four, a real segregation one, released a week after Princess Hilda was formally introduced for marriage. It was if the king was trying not to let other women detract from his beautiful daughter. As if he'd needed to do that, with the men flocking around her, desperate for attention. No, Zelos had guessed it had something to do with his own interest in Sheena, who he'd proposed to just twenty-nine days before. Twenty-nine glorious, romantic days where he almost managed not to flirt with anyone, except old women who needed that sort of attention to feel better about themselves._

_It wasn't like the royal decree thing was new either. There always seemed to be a new one, though a couple got erased because they were outdated or just useless. Like the one about apples, weird and old. Of course this one had to be different. After his lovely fiancé found something that wasn't pink in his closet and made him wear it, he'd skipped out the door, humming cheerfully and freaking Sebastian out, even if the butler wouldn't admit it. High spirits were left in his wake, and even if he was almost an hour late, he could pull off his 'duties to the Church' plea. Zelos Wilder, Chosen extraordinaire, one of the group who'd saved the world, Tethe'alla's hero, could never be wrong._

_Or so he'd thought, entering the building and rushing to the meeting hall. The room was packed with noble men, most trying to catch Hilda's eye, and the others studying a diagram painted on a large banner. Beside it, in full lifelike colour, was a picture of a male ninja and a raven-haired woman, hair in a pink ribbon. Innocently, the Chosen pointed and interrupting the speech given by the king asked, "Why's Sheena up there?" There was no mistaken her, the painting was so lifelike that four years ago, he would have walked straight up and flirted with it. _

"_You're late" was his only answer, cold, especially from the king. He'd saved this man's life, rescued his daughter, and he was being like this, reprimanding him without looking up. How rude, he thought, climbing the stairs to an empty seat, leaning into the cushioned chair. Satisfied, the royal continued where he obviously had left off, gesturing upwards towards the pictures and speaking, "As I was saying, Mizuho people, while above those living in the slums and certain species-"_

_At that point another picture was lowered down from the balcony, showing an old elf, a sketch of Altessa and someone who was possibly Kate and Zelos bit his lip, reminding himself not to argue, it was protocol. That wasn't about to change just in two years. Calmer after his quick thoughts, he tuned back into the lecture. "-For these reasons, we have classified them as rank four people. They may do as they like within their own groups and with commoners, but they are beneath those of noble blood. This decree has been written up to ensure that proper order is kept."_

_Zelos had looked down at the king at that point, to see him looking up with a smile of smug satisfaction. This wasn't about some worry over noble blood or petty rank system; this was about him. Him and Sheena, or at least keeping him away from Sheena enough that he would lose interest and go after the princess. What a load of… _"Shit. Complete and utter shit." He mumbled out loud half rolling in his semi-woken state.

The boy who had done the waking looked at the man, with a confused look on his face. "You keep shit in that little bag Mister Zee?" Oh yes, the boy. Rubbing his face and pushing the newspaper to the side, he looked up wearily. Why the young teen was still with him he wasn't sure. After saving them, the boy's sister ran off into the crowd, scared of the man who had rescued her, but he hadn't managed to shake off her brother. Her half brother, it turned out, her father's illegitimate older child. Since then, he'd woken up with a pair of brown eyes looking down at him after his nightly wandering.

"No I don't, it's…never mind, did you get any food?" Now he was awake enough to think, and not just about a ninja he had loved, there were other things to worry about. Like surviving long enough to exact revenge.

"Yeah, I filched some good stuff." Eager for praise, the boy beamed down at him and handed him the items hidden in his pocket. Some apples, a loaf of day old bread and a bottle of milk for both of them were breakfast for the two. Pickpockets were rarely any good in this area, where the punishments ended their careers early, but the boy was good. And somewhat educated, refusing to receive a name until he was a true swordsman, like in stories. "Not too shabby" Zelos mumbled, biting into one of the apples and gathering his few possessions.

There weren't many left, most of those connected to precious memories. The pictures of Seles and Sheena he'd begged Sebastian for before disappearing again to avoid capture, an old sword, a silk headband that had been white at some point, the Cruxis crystal and a small bag of gels. This was what his life was equal to now, whatever he had salvaged. What they both had, him and the boy. His precious army of two, stealing to survive. Pathetic, but it was a start.

A start, something he'd needed after three years of wandering and brooding. Though he didn't expect to live long, as if this was the final act in a complicated and tragic play. He didn't care anymore, as long as he could take them all down as well. That strange group that wielded power over the growing new world, headed by a king with personal problems. Like needing to punish a man who had rejected his daughter for someone else.

"Zee?" The childish voice brought him back to reality, and he looked down at his hands, gripped in tight fists. No matter how he felt, they would get nowhere as they were- powerless, weak and poor. Some time in the past few weeks, he'd realized what the true problem was. Living in Meltokio might put him geographically close to those he wanted to fight, but they were in the castle, surrounded by guards and unreachable. They needed inside, with recognition and political power, which they couldn't get here. Reading a stolen newspaper last night, he'd finally found a solution.

Waving a hand at the concerned boy, Zelos got to his feet, pulling his bag with him after tossing the bread into it. If they were really going to go through with his new plan, they needed to be prepared not to have food to steal.

"Go get your things. All of them." He emphasized the word, knowing that there was a secret stash of clothing and food somewhere only one of them knew of. "We aren't coming back." The words were simple, but pulled such surprise and confusion in the younger of the two's face. Not feeling overly generous, he cut off the boy's questions with a single word. "Sylvarant."

The place had come to be his ultimate plan just a night ago, reading through pointless articles for information he could use, when a small filler caught his eye. It mentioned Colette, and some grand thing that she'd done near her hometown, opening an orphanage for children of Desian victims or something. All he'd caught was her name and his mind had drifted back to the blond. How she had always come to visit him in his mansion on his birthday, making the long trek just to check up or share news of Lloyd. Her eyes clouding over whenever the brunette's name entered a conversation. She wasn't married yet. The article had shown that.

He hadn't talked to her since the marriage announcement, when he'd sent her a letter promising it would go on after all the regulations. Then, after what had happened to Sheena, the palace had given out his wanted poster, casually adding it that he had killed her, instead of them. No one would have wanted to hide him, if they even believed his story, but now, when he really needed that help, Colette was the one to go to. She would believe him at least.

Breaking from his thoughts again, he looked down to find the boy gone, probably gone to gather his things. Neither of them had anything here left and now, they were heading to the one last place where something could just be waiting for them. Like a chance to change the rules, the protocol for everyone and maybe, just maybe, find out what had really happened to the love of his life. All he had to do to find out was get going.

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Any good? Let me know by reviewing! I'm sure you all have an opinion or a suggestion for where the story is going, which I could use. So far there's no plan for future chapters, so if you have an idea, let me know!

Ciao, Tisa


	3. Course

As usual, c'est moi with chapter three. Which makes this officially the longest chaptered fic I've got on FFnet right now. Wicked, non? For those who are curious what I do with my spare time that comes from writing short chapters, I have just drawn a diva monkey with sunglasses on a piece of paper towel. Complete with fancy cigarette holder. Now are you happy?

Anyway, to answer a few questions from the last chapter. The boy (who still doesn't have a name because I can't think of one- ideas please!) is one of the two children Zelos saved when the slums got cleared out. His half sister ran back to her mommy, but he had nowhere else to go and has basically stalked Zelos since, who got used to him since and is trying to teach him to fight. (I'm writing this before typing up the chapter, so I have no idea how much of this is going to be answered later.) Italics are supposed to be flashbacks, but it keeps messing up. As for the plot, I'm as far as Colette, yes, but after that…well, we'll have to see.

–gaspforair- That's hopefully all the questions answered. If you have anymore, let me know! On with le story!

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Fresh air was something you didn't often get in Meltokio, with all the pollution. Actually in the slums, there was no such thing. Between the sewage systems that weren't quite as nice as the rest of the city's, and the constant reek of alcohol and drugs, the air could never be considered clear. He must have been used to it now, as passing through the gates had started a ragged breathing pattern in him. Gagging as they left the walled area into the suburbs, he struck a match, lighting one of his last cigarettes and sticking it in his mouth. It wasn't nearly as bad as the boy's reaction though.

Raised in the dingiest part of his hometown, he hadn't been out of the city as often as Zelos had. His coughing fit scared anyone around who hadn't rushed away from the slum smell. Now he smelt the tobacco, his shoulders relaxed and he began chattering endlessly about how he thought the outside would be like.

"There're still so many houses outside the walls. I only left once and never got this far before going back in. People here aren't friendly to slummies like me. Nobody else is either, but I need to go near them for food. The houses are farther apart now though. I can barely see that one out there. When can we stop to practice, and where are we going anyway? Mister Zee?" The boy's brown eyes lit up with excitement at the idea. Only once had he picked up a sword, staggering under the weight. That would change after he was trained though.

The ex-Chosen smothered a groan at the nickname. Since the boy began trailing him, he'd set ground rules with him. Leaving him alone when he went around at night was one of the easier ones. His name had been more complicated. With some sort of awe, the boy had been calling him Master until he was ready to throttle him, but he couldn't exactly ask him to use his real name. Instead, he'd told him his own story and requested he didn't use that name, or Master. Well, the Master bit had been more of an order, but it still hadn't worked too well.

_"So…Master Zelos…"_

"_Not that at all."_

"_What can I call you then? If I cant use your name or anything anymore."_

"_You're smart, you'll think of something else."_

"_Zell? No, that's a girl name…nothing begins with Zed."_

"_You know some places say it Zee?"_

_"They call Zeds zees?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I'll call you that then! No-one will ever guess it's you!"_

"_H-hey, wait…"_

It had stuck, no matter what he tried to say against it. A ridiculous name, but maybe he was ridiculous now. The long walk past the last few farmhouses so they could finally set up camp before nightfall didn't require concentration, and he let his mind wander off again, to the first time he had used that word himself.

_Hilda's birthday, her eighth, so he would have been fourteen then. After the party, the cake and the ever annoying socializing at the end, he'd rushed off to the research academy, leaving before anyone had a chance to stop him. Once his conversation with the princess was over, it became boring with the proud and boring court members, and he'd decided to go to the one person he knew who would laugh with him about it, find the extravagant dress and globs of makeup as foolish as he did._

_Sheena hadn't laughed with him though, merely sat and listened quietly until he finished speaking. Then, when he'd prodded her to answer and tell him her thoughts, she burst into tears. It had been so unlike her that for five minutes, Zelos had sat there staring at her, before bluntly asking an obvious question. "You're crying. Why?"_

_Sobbing, she'd slapped him. Even before he'd gone all perverted to her, she constantly hit him for being 'such a noble'. That was what happened when you loved a girl with a mind of her own though. Leaving him stunned she'd run off, up the stairs and through the main door. As if that would stop him finding out. Besides, there was only one place Sheena went when she was upset. Running up the stairs to the nobles area was quite the workout, especially with people turning to stare or stopping in his way. Even getting into the gardens was difficult._

_Finding Sheena herself was easier than it should have been. She was small for eleven years old, but predictable too. Nestled beside a rose bush in one of the back corners, she was sniffling away her tears and rubbing her eyes. Like any other ninja he'd met, she sensed his presence and looked up. Watching her tear stained eyes; the redhead wondered if he really wanted to have her crying again, or if he could leave quickly. The second option blocked itself off as she mumbled his name. "Yeah?"_

_Her lips started to quiver again, and he got ready to stop her, until she asked in a small voice, "D-do you think I'll ever be as pretty as Princess Hilda?" As if this was the most pressing question in the world, more important than her studying to become a summoner, or that artificial summon spirit idea she was so wrapped up in. Being as pretty as the princess was just so much more important to her. He scrunched up his nose. Girls. Every time you thought they weren't all vain and caught in their looks, they asked you something like this._

_It was an easy question to answer though. Looking at Sheena, with her dark, messy hair and wild eyes, he knew what to answer, and could do it honestly. "What are ya talking about? You're already prettier than her. Besides, comparing yourself to her is ridiculous. Everyone has to love her. With you it's a choice."_

Now, honest simple thoughts kept him from going mental, worrying about what would happen next. Things like food and shelter were easier to worry about than what had happened to Sheena, or how to break into the royal chambers. Like how stopping here on the road would be a perfect place to teach the boy basic skills, he decided, turning onto the grassy field and dropping his bag onto the ground. The sun was setting, so he wasn't concerned that any travelers would find them odd. Pulling out his old blade, he spun around to look at the boy who just stood there waiting for an order.

"Get it out." Zelos commanded, moving through his own practice drill while his student scrambled for the wooden sword in his pack. Slash, jump back, thrust forward and slash from the side. A killing move that he used on weaker opponents, ones that required little effort. Turning back to the boy, he sighed. Two weeks ago, he'd carved a simple practice sword out of a broken rail on the apartment he'd been sleeping on and told the boy to use it until he felt comfortable.

There hadn't seemed to be a problem then, beyond that the weapons the kid was used to were his fists. Now, when being able to fight was more important, flaws were showing up everywhere. "Alright, let's see," Zelos commanded, walking around his confused new 'partner'. "You want to be an apprentice swordsman instead of a thief, right?" The boy nodded eagerly. "Then move like one! Stand up straight, and hold that up!" His rough words cut the boy's confidence down, though he moved to obey anyway. "That's better. Now, hold it like this." he demonstrated, switching his fingers into a fighting grip. "No, not like that! It's a sword, not a hammer! Move your fingers up a bit."

Watching him fumble to get it right, Zelos decided that he wasn't that bad. Once the form was right, techniques could be taught that would help him fight. Being outside where there was always some monster or other to battle would gain him life experience. Deciding that the position the sword was in now was at least closer to correct than before, he walked back to the boy's side and tapped his shoulder. "Now let's try a vertical slash," he instructed, demonstrating again. Top to bottom, a perfect ninety degree angle, just as he'd been taught.

As the boy copied him, he watched the wooden blade, the form and the person behind it. He'd been taught to analyze his enemies like this, but, as he'd learnt in his travels, knowing your ally never hurt either. The movements weren't focused and textbook, like his own, but a whole troupe of impersonal teachers changed any truly spirited combat into math formulas. Only when someone was untrained like this, free to improvise, was their full strength available. To reach potential though, practice was needed and experience, training even so there was a perfect balance…

The swish of the cuts had ended, and he opened his eyes, from where they'd been half closed and moved once again to his things. "Keep practicing." A short order that the boy followed quickly, moving the sword up and down again and again, waiting for Zelos to turn before running and slashing at the air. Searching for food and keeping a partial watch out of one eye, the ex-Chosen shook his head. No obedience for rules, was one of the factors that he considered a mark of a true swordsman. He had no uncertainty that the boy would be wielding a real sword by the end of the month.

By then, they would be crossing the stretch of water between southern Meltokio and Asgard, the pedestrian border to Sylvarant. The bridge had been built shortly after the worlds merged together, and even though he'd never crossed it, common fact was that you needed no money or identification to pass through. Open arms had been extended to the other side, a place with bountiful resources and less half elves.

Even then, the prejudice against other races was ending much faster in Sylvarant, with enough advocates coming to Tethe'alla, only to get tossed back out. His own country wasn't accepting of anything, especially now. Sighing at the dismal thought, he set out to create a meal out of half a loaf of bread and two apples. Meat would have been nice, but hunting some poor animal out here brought old skills into practice again.

When it came to his old practices, everything was still a little shabby, and trying to track something down and then make a fire to cook it would take longer than the impeding darkness allowed. Tomorrow, they'd be starting to pass the Fooji mountains and the boy could help him fight a monster from there for meat. Manticores were far too large to tackle now, but there were rabbits and wolves in the plains as well, and maybe a few fruit trees.

Freedom meant working to survive, fighting and a lot of walking. Five years ago, he complained about this sort of thing, waking up late and spending hours on his hair. Now, it was a necessary sacrifice to make for getting Sheena back. And in a strange way, it was making him feel closer to the past than before. There was no feeling in his voice as he called the boy over to eat, he was so lost in the thoughts of his seven old companions.

_I'll see you all soon,_ he vowed in the light of the setting sun. _One way or another, I will see you again._

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There! Please review, hopefully with some suggestions for the boy's name, because I can't keep writing 'the boy' over and over, it's driving me mad! The next chapter will be out next week, no matter how much work it takes!

Byee for now! Tisa


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